加拿大外贸
之前在本论坛的其他帖子里看到《外贸英语汉译英赏析》的帖子http://bbs.shanghai.com/thread-53692-1-1.html，里面讲了很多关于外贸英语的例句和翻译，自己从中也学到了很多。但在那之前也看到过一篇《(原创)新手如何写好开发信，加大成交率？--附上老外的建议和成交案例 （书已上市）》的帖子，里面说到写给老外的开发信不能过于啰嗦，要做到简单简单再简单，所以对于《外贸英语汉译英赏析》里面的一些例句说出自己的一些个人见解，本人是新手，英语更是烂到家，只是想与大家交流交流，也想大家指点一下小弟，绝无其他意思，望相关人员谅解。下面是我整理出来的一些句子：（有些没修改就直接放上去，希望原版主不要跟新人计较。如果有什么语法或者语气不得当的，希望大家指点，在此谢过）
(1) 我们希望指出,这里市场竞争激烈,要想成功地销售出去,你方报价须具有吸引力,否则将有困难.
原翻译：Fierce competition in the local market here means that, it seems obvious to us, it would be difficult for us to promote the sale of your products if your quotation is not attractive to our end-users here.
修改（有待确认）：Fierce competition in the local market means that it would be difficult for us to successfully promote your products. Your quotation must be attractive to our end-users.
(2) 如果你方的价格做得开的话,我们相信能成大生意.
原文：If your prices are attractive, we believe we can make big business.
修改：You give attractive prices. We can make big business. (语气是否会太肯定？)
(3) 很高兴收到你方8月25日询价,根据你方要求,今寄上有插图的目录和明细价目单.
原文：We were very pleased to receive your inquiry of August 25 and enclose our illustrated catalogue and the detailed price-list as you asked.
修改：Glad to receive your inquiry of August 25. Our illustrated catalogue and detailed price-list will be sending to u.
(4) 我方可保证收到订单后两周内交货.
原文1：We guarantee to deliver the goods within fourteen days of receipt of your order.（交易条款已谈妥）
原文2：We would try to effect shipment in fourteen days of the receipt of your order.（未确定条款）
修改：The receipt of your order would be tried to effect shipment in fourteen days. (“try to”的去留决定条款是否谈妥)
(5) 如果是英国人或英联邦国家的,可按英国式的"日,月,年"排列,(18 August, 2004 ) ;如果是美国公司或背景不是很清楚的,可按美国式的"月,日,年"词序排列( 如: August 18, 2004)
(6) 我方产品质量上乘,价格合理
原文：Our products / goods are both excellent in quality and reasonable in price.
修改：Our products are high quality and price is reasonable.
(7) 询盘
① 大量询盘证明我们产品质量过硬。
原文：Heavy enquiries witness the quality of our products perfect.
② 很遗憾，你们所询的货物现在无货
原文：We regret that the goods you inquire about are not available.
修改：Most regrettably,the goods you inquire out of stock.（”out of stock”是否有点生僻？）
③ 你们的询盘不明确，我们无法答复
原文：Your enquiry is too uncertainty to enable us to reply you.
修改：We cannot reply cuz(美式)/coz(英式) your uncertainty enquiry. (待定)
④ 既然我们已经给你们报价，可否尽快给予答复？
原文：Now that we've already given you the quotation, will you pls reply as soon as possible?
修改：The quotation of products have been send, pls reply soon, thx.
⑤ 请告知我对有关商品的最低接受价。
原文：Please let us know your lowest possible prices for the relevant goods.
修改：Pls let me know the lowest prices you can accept.
⑥ 不知你们能不能接受在一段时间里分批交货？
原文：Would you accept delivery spread over a period of time?
(8) 需求大则必然会造成涨价,这一点希望引起你方注意,同时请你们早日作答
原文：Active demand will certainly result in increased price, and for this reason we expect your early reply.
修改：We expect you’re for active demand result in increased price early reply.(语气有待改善)
评论
(1) 我们希望指出,这里市场竞争激烈,要想成功地销售出去,你方报价须具有吸引力,否则将有困难.
原翻译：Fierce competition in the local market here means that, it seems obvious to us, it would be difficult for us to promote the sale of your products if your quotation is not attractive to our end-users here.
修改（有待确认）：Fierce competition in the local market means that it would be difficult for us to successfully promote your products. Your quotation must be attractive to our end-users.
It will be very difficulet to promote your products if your price is too high/not attractive.
在你的修改中，跟原句没有什么区别，简化的目的是更直接表达意思，去掉一些不必要的修饰/修辞
(2)如果你方的价格做得开的话,我们相信能成大生意.
原文：If your prices are attractive, we believe we can make big business.
修改：You give attractive prices. We can make big business. (语气是否会太肯定？)
虽然give是及物动词，但是give的句型必须是give sb. sth. 注意你的语法
We can make big business if you give us attractive prices.
我不知道写那篇文章的老师是否有专业功底，但是从原文看来，这位老师对英语的理解显然是停留在Chinglish阶段。
(3)很高兴收到你方8月25日询价,根据你方要求,今寄上有插图的目录和明细价目单.
原文：We were very pleased to receive your inquiry of August 25 and enclose our illustrated catalogue and the detailed price-list as you asked.
修改：Glad to receive your inquiry of August 25. Our illustrated catalogue and detailed price-list will be sending to u.
请注意你的语法，修改可以，不要把对的句子改错了。修改以后，这句话是个病句。
我不知道这边加一个日期意图何在。客户的询盘如果不能在24小时之内回复，基本就已经过了时效了，所以如果不能在当天回，那这封询盘已经废了。
那如果是当天的邮件，那完全没有必要再加一个具体的日期。
(4)我方可保证收到订单后两周内交货.
原文1：We guarantee to deliver the goods within fourteen days of receipt of your order.（交易条款已谈妥）
原文2：We would try to effect shipment in fourteen days of the receipt of your order.（未确定条款）
修改：The receipt of your order would be tried to effect shipment in fourteen days. (“try to”的去留决定条款是否谈妥)
你修改后的句子根本读不通。
后面不看了，建议在基础不好的情况下，还是遵照书本/老师的固定格式，多改多错。
看了你的修改，前面还好，越到后面越混乱，到第四句我已经看不下去了。
不太了解你的专业水平，但是像这类函电的文章，尽量挑选一下，并不是所有的都是对你有益的。
补充一下第四句的问题，我指的是原文表达的问题，在我的概念中，交货期必须是一个有效的日期。
这里所说的14天，有太多漏洞，太多不确定性，有可能是working day，也可理解为calendar day。
这样一个宽泛的概念，如何能达到严谨有效的沟通效果？
[ 本帖最后由 fwsteve 于 2013-2-28 10:24 编辑 ]
评论
恩恩，谢谢您的指导，其实我也是刚出来做两三天的新手，而且专业还是统计的，也是在摸爬打滚的状态，我以后会注意了，再次感谢您的指导
评论
还是先学产品吧...
外贸水深，要有心理准备
评论
恩，好
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