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很多人都想知道老外批改的作文到底是什么样子，这样好自己心里有数，雅思作文高分真的不容易拿到，很多中国人觉得写的不错的作文，到老外面前就是中国英语作文，所以给大家奉献这个作文老外修改系列就是为了给大家一个心里标准，希望大家能珍惜这些材料！！！今后还将继续添加，敬请关注！！！注：红色为老外批改~1．The computers are widely used in education and some people think teacher are not play important role in the classroom. To what extend do you agree? (Agree/disagree) P.S. I wrote 2 beginning paragraph because I don’t know which one is better.Can computers replace teachers in the classroom? In times of the wide use of computers in the modern society, the issue that teacher will not be necessary in education is, in my opinion, a controversial question and worthwhile to consider. Since the computer has been invented and used in education for several decades, it plays an assistant instrument role all along. It is hard to accept that computer will take place teacher.One of the greatest advances in modern technology has been the invention of computers. They are already widely used in education and some people believe that the time may come when it will be possible for their taking place of teacher as well. However, I am convinced those teachers still are extremely necessary in the future.[No comparison. This one looks as if it is written by a Kiwi!] [One of the greatest advances in modern technology has been the invention of computers. They are already widely used in education and some people believe that the time may come when they may take the place of teachers as well. However, I am convinced that teachers in the classroom will still be extremely necessary in the future.]First of all, teachers can adjust the teaching approach during the education while computers cannot. As it known by all, students are in different level of understanding and receiving ability. For example, if the students have strong ability to possess knowledge, the teachers can save their time for giving them extra knowledge. This could make the teaching more flexible and efficient. On the other hand, computers only give all the students the same answer although they progress at different level.[First of all, teachers can adjust their teaching approach during the lesson while computers cannot. As it known, students progress at different rates of understanding. For example, if the students are quick at learning, the teacher can give them extra work to increase their knowledge. This would make the teaching more flexible and efficient. On the other hand, computers only give all the students the same answer although they progress at different speeds.]Secondly, Teachers can help students obtain the learning methods, however, computers cannot. When students meet problems in their studying, teachers can not only explain the relevant academic knowledge to students, but also tell them the procedure. Next time the students will not make the same mistakes. Whereas, computers just display a right answer and cannot make the students possess the knowledge. This is the essential difference between teachers and computers.[Secondly, Teachers can help students obtain better learning methods, whereas computers cannot. When students meet problems in their studying, teachers can, not only explain the relevant academic knowledge to students, but also teach them the procedure. Next time the students will not make the same mistakes. Whereas, computers can only display the right answer. They cannot help the students to realize, where they have made their mistakes. This is the essential difference between teachers and computers.]Admittedly, computers are regarded the most effective instruments in education. By using computers, teachers make the class more interesting and interactive; they can save time to do other important things by letting computers do the calculation and statistic. It is obvious that computers are benefit so much to modern educational development.[Admittedly, computers are regarded as the most effective instruments in education. By using computers: teachers make the class more interesting and interactive; they allow teachers more time to do one to one teaching with students; computers can take the hard work out of teaching by doing the calculations and working out statistics; they give the teacher a wealth of material never before available to teachers.]In a word, computers may be useful tools in the teaching procedure, but teachers’ role will not be taken place by computer. It is reasonable to except a more enlighten and advanced education system will occur after all the teachers use computers in a proper way.[In a word, computers may be a more useful tool in the future as a teaching tool, but the teachers’ role will never be taken by the computer. It is reasonable to expect a more enlightened and advanced education system will occur when teachers make full use of computers. They are a benefit to modern educational development and rather than replace teachers will be there to work alongside them.] 2．How should the government help and support young people?Young people are important resources to their country. But governments may ignore some problems faced by young people in running the country. By your experience, what government needs to do for supporting or helping young people? Please show those problems and give your idea or suggestion to solve the issue. [Young people are important resources to their country, but governments tend to ignore problems that face young people today. By your experience, what does a government need to do to support or help young people? Please show those problems and give your idea or suggestion on how to solve this issue.] This is an increasingly fast-paced and competitive world in which live is placing growing pressure on young people to perform is their jobs, studying and relationships. However, the governments have not concerned about essential problems faced by young people. [Ours is an increasingly fast-paced and competitive world to live in and it is placing growing pressure on young people to perform in their jobs, their study and relationships. However, governments have not concerned themselves about essential problems that face young people today.] To begin with, the governments have not shown enough solicitude for young people in spirit and this makes some young people are spiritually barren. It is generally believed that the youth is the most dangerous group in modern society for they have to support various pressures in everyday life. For example, youth commit the crimes in a high rate, such as murder, mistreatness and overspeed. Some of them even take drugs or commit suicide because they feel pessimistic and life is meaningless. Therefore, it is necessary that governments should give extra effort not only to their academic knowledge but also their spiritual education. [To begin with, the governments have not shown enough solicitude for young people’s spirit and this has made young people spiritually barren. It is generally believed that the youth is the most “at risk” group in modern society for they have to support various pressures in everyday life. For example, youth commit a high rate of crimes, such as dangerous driving, bullying, violent and ***ual crimes, even murder. The suicide rate among young people in this country is among the highest in the world. And drug addiction has become a major problem. Youth today are very pessimistic and feel life is meaningless. Therefore, it is necessary that governments should give extra effort not only to their academic knowledge but also their spiritual education. ] Another factor is the governments do not provide effective and equal job opportunity for young people. Finding a job maybe is the most important thing for youth after they become independent from the parents. Nevertheless, it is considerably hard for young people to find satisfied and well paid jobs. Most companies are unwilling to hire young people who are lack of working experience. But how comes they improve their experience if no one can provide a chance to them? In addition, although some young people find jobs, they can hardly be promoted because of the conservative thinking of the administrator. The governments should create a more impartial competition environment for the youth. [Another factor governments need to consider is providing effective and equal job opportunities for young people. Finding a job is one of the most important things for young people when they leave home and become independent of their parents. Nevertheless, it is considerably hard for young people to find satisfying and well paid jobs. Most companies are unwilling to hire young people who have a lack of working experience. But how can they improve their experience if no one is willing to provide a chance for them? In addition, although some young people find jobs, they can hardly be promoted because of the conservative thinking of the administrator. The governments should create a more impartial environment for the youth.] Not surprisingly, young people are so important resources to the country that they should be taken great importance by the governments. Firstly, special associations those devote to solve youth problems should be set up, which will give a helpful hand to young people. Secondly, the governments should encourage companies by giving more chances for young to change the situation of lack of job opportunity. [Young people are such an important resource to the country that they should be given great importance by their government. Firstly, to solve these problems, a special association devoted to solving youth problems should be set up. This will give youth the helpful hand they need. Then, governments should encourage companies to give more opportunities to young people by offering them incentives to change this situation where youth find a lack of job opportunities.] To sum up, in spite of the physical maturity, young people are still not mature psychologically. They need to given more patience and concern. If governments could success in cultivating young people, the whole country will be hopeful and promising. [To sum up, in spite of their physical maturity, young people are not mature psychologically. They need to be given more patience and concern. If governments could success in helping and supporting young people the whole country would benefit from it.] 3．The world’s water supplies are diminishing. Recently the problem has been brought into focus. Although the problem is not as serious as it will be in the future, it is now that governments must look for a solution. The world’s water supplies are diminishing. Recently the problem has been brought into focus. Although the problem is not as serious as it will be in the future, it is now that governments must look for a solution. We have to accept that modern industries improve our living standard; however, they also cause a tremendous amount of pollution by discharging untreated waste into our waterways. What’s even worse is that these factories have no conscience. Scientific techniques are available to prevent the pollution of our natural water resources but, because of cost, factories ignore them. Although people have benefited a lot since the Industrial Revolution of 19 century, has the price been too much? It has cost us the clean air and pure water nature so freely provides. Secondly, domestically, people keep wasting water because of their lack of concern for the future. They leave a tap dripping for hours, sometimes days, neglecting to change the washer. Some people waste the water consciously or unconsciously in their everyday life: They fill a bath to the top; spend an extra long time in the shower; Leave the sprinklers on in their garden all through summer; Wash their car when it is not necessary. These people don’t realise that the water they use for a bath is the same amount an individual would use for one year in some Africa countries! In my opinion, there are two ways to solve the problem. Institute a series of laws to protect water resources. This should reduce the activity of pollution and the wastage of water. Those who break the law should be punished severely. Moreover, the government should educate people to cherish every drop of water. This will make people aware of the importance of looking after what we have and providing pure, clean water for the future generations. In conclusion, though the problem can be dealt with through the government control, people still need to pay more attention to the wise and thrifty use of the water they have today. This more enlightened approach will, hopefully allow future generations to possess enough clean water for their needs.4．Many females join the army in some countries. Some people think females should not join the army as soldiers. Do you agree or disagree? There is a growing agreement that females should gain equal opportunities as males in all fields. In some countries, however, in the opinion of some people females should not join the army to be soldiers. I am convinced that female rights and interests should be taken seriously, including their desire of being soldiers. [There is a growing agreement world-wide that women should have the same opportunities as men in all fields. In some countries, however, this does not stretch to joining the army to be soldiers. I am convinced that women’s rights and interests should be taken seriously, and this right should include their desire to be soldiers.] First of all, because of difference of biological function between man and woman, females have some strong points that males are lack of normally. Although females seem to be weaker physically, they are more careful and meticulous. For example, in World War II, almost all the nurses in military hospitals were female for they could take good care of the wounded soldiers. In addition, it’s generally believed that female soldiers are more efficient in receiving and sending military information than males. Therefore, women play a particular role in army from past to the present. [First of all, because, biologically, men and women are different, the female species have strong points that their male counterparts lack. Although women seem to be weaker physically, they are far more careful and meticulous than men. For example, in World War II, almost all the nurses in military hospitals were female for they could take good care of the wounded soldiers. In addition, it’s generally believed that female soldiers are more efficient in receiving and sending military information than males. Women have always played a particular role in the army from ancient times right up until the present.] Secondly, no matter what gender, everyone should be treated equally. As can be seen, lots of female soldiers make considerable contribution to the development of military and their countries. It will be irrational and unfair if they are forbidden to join the army only for they are female! They should be given the same opportunities as men to make their dreams come true. Furthermore, *** discrimination should not emerge in such a legalized and civilized society. [Secondly, no matter what gender, everyone should be treated equally. As can be seen, lots of female soldiers make a considerable contribution to the development of military in their countries. It would be irrational and unfair if they were forbidden to join the army because they were born female! They should be given the same opportunities as men to make their dreams come true. Furthermore, *** discrimination should not emerge in any part of such a legalized and civilized society.] To sum up, men and women both have strong and weak points. It is not appropriate and unfair to stress one gender and ignore another one. It is reasonable to except a more enlightened and advanced society will occur when the females integrate the males properly. (269words) [To sum up, men and women both have strong and weak points. It is not appropriate and certainly unfair to stress one gender and ignore the other one. It is reasonable to except a more enlightened and advanced society will occur when the women totally integrate with men!] (269words)5． nature and nurture? whice one plays major role in personality and development?nature & nurtureIn times of increasingly advanced society, the issue that whether gene of environment has a greater influence to people has been brought into focus. I am convinced that the nurture plays an essential role during people’s growth. [Over the past century our society has advanced enormously. One issue that we often discuss is whether our personality is affected hereditarily or by the environment we grow up in. Which has the greater influence on people? I am convinced that the environment plays the most essential role in the outcome of a person’s personality development.] To begin with, people’s personality and temperament can be cultivated by their families. That means parents’ activities and words have extremely deep effect the children and children always be eager to simulate that. It is truth that the family members affect each other unconsciously. Therefore, it is not difficult to understand why a child who is brought up in an amiable family will tend to be kind and warm-hearted to other people. [To begin with, people’s personality and temperament can be moulded by their families. That means parents’ activities and words can have an extremely deep effect on their children. Children are always eager to imitate, that is the truth and family members affect each other unconsciously. Therefore, it is not difficult to understand why a child who is brought up in an amiable family will tend to be kind and warm-hearted to other people.] In addition, school education is also a major aspect to develop people’s characters. Nowadays, people tend to spend more and more money and time in universities, colleges and schools. Apart from gaining knowledge, students can form their ways of thinking by reading all sorts of books, communicating with other students and guiding from teachers. Meanwhile, even different teaching methods foster various students. For example, the western students are more broad-minded that eastern students which are educated in a conventional mode. [In addition, school education is also a major aspect in developing people’s characters. Nowadays, people tend to spend more and more money and time at universities, colleges and schools. Apart from gaining knowledge, students can form ways of thinking by: reading all sorts of books; communicating with other students; and the guidance of their teachers. Even different teaching methods can foster various effects in students. For example, the western students are more broad-minded than eastern students who are educated in a far stricter mode.] Admittedly, in some special fields such as arts and sports, it is necessary for the professions that they do need some talent to undertake the jobs. After all, not everyone can become sports stars or artists. [Admittedly, in some special fields, such as arts and sports, it is necessary for those undertaking these professions that they have some basic talent before they start. In these it is a combination of genes and environment. Because one parent may have ability in one of these areas, tennis for instance, the children will grow up in an environment that nurtures tennis but they will also have a certain amount of natural ability in their genes. ] To sum up, nurture is more important to people’s growth for it has an impact upon persons’ personality and will influence their whole life. Consequently, more effort should be made to individuals’ postnatal cultivation for it is particularly essential for the development of all people. [To sum up, nurture is more important to people’s growth for it has an impact upon persons’ personality and will influence their whole life. Consequently, more effort should be made to individuals’ postnatal cultivation for it is particularly essential for the development of all people.] 6．体育的竞争性It is a widely acknowledged fact that nowadays people are paying much more attention to children’s education than before. Generally, sports are considered full of competition and therefore should not be prompted into schools. However, I am convinced that sports play an essential role in modern education. To begin with, sports have not only spirit of competition but also cooperation. This can be proved by numerous team sports which contain more cooperation than competition. Take football match for example. A football team only can win the match when all the eleven players co-operate well with each other. Similarly, the students could learn the importance of cooperation by involved in all sorts of team sports. Therefore, sports will not cause the students’ lack of cooperation, but provide abundant chances for them to improve their ability of cooperation. In addition, competition is also one of essential capabilities that the students should gain in modern society. This is an increasingly fast-paced and competitive world. If the students do not understand the meaning of competition and have the ability to compete, they will be easily beat off by others in the future. Accordingly, sports game are the most appropriate and effective method to teach students how to fairly compete. It is undeniable that some sports are of too much vehemence such as boxing and wrestling, which are likely to make students form aggressive personalities. This kind of sports games should be avoided to recommend to schools. To sum up, obviously, sports could greatly improve the students’ capacities both competition and cooperation. It is reasonable to except a more enlightened and advanced education achievement will occur when sports integrate the school education properly.7． University graduates have higher pay than those people who have lower education. Therefore, some people say that they should pay the full tuition. To what degree do you agree or disagree? University graduates should pay full fees. [Because University graduates receive higher wages than people who have lower education, they should pay the full tuition fees. I agree with this statement and would like to give you my reasons why.] In times of increasingly competitive world, as the University graduates are easier to find a job and have higher salary than those people who do not have higher education, some people consider the University students should pay the whole tuition fees instead of government’s financial allocations. This issue may vary from person to person, while I think it is necessary that the University graduates pay the full tuition. [Firstly, in these times where we have an increasingly competitive world, University graduates find it easier to obtain a job. When they begin, they begin on a higher salary than those people who do not have their higher education. Therefore, University students should pay the whole tuition fees instead of their fees being subsidized by the government. It is unfair to expect the taxes of the less qualified to subsidize the education of those who will soon earn more than themselves.] To begin with, it is reasonable to expect that the University students compensate their instruction fees for it will help improve the social equality. As it known by all, the University graduates have more opportunity to obtain good and high salary jobs than others only because of their higher educational background. Also, this is unfair for the people who do not have chance to study in University. Actually, some countries have carried out this kind of policy. For example, in America, the students who study in accounting are hardly get scholarship because they know how to make money after graduation. [Secondly, it is reasonable to expect that the University students pay for their instruction fees for this will help improve the social equality. With their higher education, University graduates will soon move into the higher socio-economic group. The person with the lower education, lesser income and poorer standard of life will become bitter especially if they understand it is their taxes that have provided the education for the University graduate. This will cause disharmony and dissatisfaction within our society because it is unfair for the people who do not have a chance to study at University. Some countries already have this kind of policy. For example, in America, students who study in accounting, hardly receive and funds from the Government in the form of a scholarship because politicians know they will earn large sums of money after their graduation.] In addition, this will also lighten the financial burden on the government. Every country has a large number of universities, institute and polytechnic. Imagine how much money will be if the governments take backing the financial allocations! Then, by executing such a policy, the government can make good use of the money to those aspects which are more important and urgent, such as public facility, the disable people, which will update the whole society become more harmony and active. [Finally, this will also lighten the financial burden on the government. Every country has a large number of universities, institutions and polytechnics. Imagine how much money will be saved if the governments remove the financial allocations! By executing such a policy, the government can make good use of the money to those aspects of their economy that are more important and urgent, such as public facilities for disabled people. This will bring the society into line with other countries and also bring greater harmony to the society.] To sum up, take into account all the factors, the advantages is obvious that the University students afford the tuition fees. This more farsighted approach will, hopefully allow people to possess a better and higher living standard. [To sum up, the three reasons I believe University graduates should pay full tuition for their education are: 1] It is easier for them to find jobs2) They end up in a higher socio-economic group3) The subsides used are better reallocated to other areas of the economy. This more farsighted approach will, hopefully allow all people to possess a better and higher living standard.]

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温哥华，找工作+练习英语中如果觉得我的信息对您有益，请给我加声望，谢谢！！！ 超赞 赏 开 开开心心 0$(VIP 0) 1972005-05-01#2 好帖子,谢谢楼主.

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想给楼主加声望,为什么总是显示 "再一次给 zhangyl 添加声望之前, 您必须对周围其他会员评论声望"?我看论坛在加声望上有点问题.

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加不了声望，我还顶。

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somnambulating in Vancouver,waiting for the daybreak…… 超赞 赏 Z zhangyl 0$(VIP 0) 6,8662005-05-21#5 考亚斯的看看

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温哥华，找工作+练习英语中如果觉得我的信息对您有益，请给我加声望，谢谢！！！ 超赞 赏 反馈:nanshan 贝贝娘 0$(VIP 0) 8582005-07-31#6 太棒了！ 还有更多的吗？期待ing!!!

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既来之，则安之！太棒了！ 还有更多的吗？期待ing!!! 点击展开...你想要什么？可以提要求

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温哥华，找工作+练习英语中如果觉得我的信息对您有益，请给我加声望，谢谢！！！ 超赞 赏 A Aim宅 0$(VIP 0) 33,6082005-07-31#8 是移民类的吧?

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喂，请问是中国移动吗？我是中国联通，我的小灵通坏了，你们能派中国铁通来修一下吗？是移民类的吧?点击展开...就是

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温哥华，找工作+练习英语中如果觉得我的信息对您有益，请给我加声望，谢谢！！！ 超赞 赏 猫人 0$(VIP 0) 1,5662005-07-31#10 好帖子，顶

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很好，加SW！PS：我怎么看不到红的地方啊？

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努力练琴，快乐成长欢迎光临肖老师温哥华钢琴教室很好，加SW！PS：我怎么看不到红的地方啊？点击展开...贴进来没有标识

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温哥华，找工作+练习英语中如果觉得我的信息对您有益，请给我加声望，谢谢！！！贴进来没有标识点击展开...明白了，SW现在没法加了，改日补上。

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努力练琴，快乐成长欢迎光临肖老师温哥华钢琴教室你想要什么？可以提要求点击展开... 我想要9分移民类的作文范文，还有吗？

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既来之，则安之！我想要9分移民类的作文范文，还有吗？点击展开...这应该就是g类的

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温哥华，找工作+练习英语中如果觉得我的信息对您有益，请给我加声望，谢谢！！！ 超赞 赏 nanshan 0$(VIP 0) 3,3582005-08-13#16 好东东！

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